Sober
i dont even remember what its like to be sober. my life is in a downhill spiral. im on my way to burn in hell…im sure of it.
out of the last 8 days, i have been sober 1 day.
im so alone here.
chelsea, with your phone off, i have no one. all my friends here have betrayed me in some way. every guy has lied and treated me like shit. i cant say no to going out and getting wasted. and now, my body feels like its going to shut down any minute. i want to disappear and go where no one knows me or my life. i want to start fresh. i want to go back to school but my parents aren’t doing their part so there for i have to suffer and continue to be a waiter. where i dont even make that much money cuz business is slow these days.
however today im going to find a new job. i quit american eagle. so i need another one. i dont even know where to go. i wish i would stumble on a lottery ticket and it just so happens its the winning ticket….HAHAHA thats never going to happen. so anyways i have to make the best of what i got…hahah thats funny to cuz i pretty much have nothing.
let me tell you about tuesday night.
My so called, “best gay friend,” named clinton and i went to the clubs. had a great time…until we saw this guy who i liked. but he was there with a guy that we both knew. and when i was the guy i liked (danny) he told me constantly not to talk to this guy who always tried to pick a fight with me. and i dont back down to someone who talks shit about me. and this guy’s name is branden. well i hate branden so he would text me and i would go off on how he has anal warts….which is true. and danny would joke with me too and say just leave him alone. well when we went out danny was there with branden. UGH! you lying hyprocrite son of a bitch! so of course i get drunk and i made them buy me and clinton shots…which just made things worse cuz then i came face to face with branden and literally almost punched him in the face. so we left. and it gets worse. clinton wanted to go to this guys house who he met at the club a few times. when we finally get there i layed on the couch and they went up stairs. i wanted to go home but clinton wanted to stay. well i couldnt sleep cuz of everything with danny and branden…and what do i hear next? clinton having sex. that was the cherry on top of an amazing night. god i hate people. i hate all of them.
so now since im a drunk, i cant sleep well at night and i usually sleep during the day, wasting my life. its what i do best i guess.
